finding freedom, or lack there of, in thought

There’s this energy within me I’m not really fond of.
I’m using it despite how self-destructive it makes me feel.
The more older I get, the more power it has over my freedom and positive thought.

Sense of liberation seems foreign to me, when it was second nature a couple years back. I’ve been eating words I create for myself that I want to throw up.

I need a guidebook.
Something with a calender in the back that organizes my intentional thoughts, deciding for me when and where to think the things that I do, appropriately.

My hands are callous from moving these bricks.
A wall that is taking a humorous amount of time to remove.
Contradictions of me building it in the first place are tickling me to death.

I need that chalk-board she recommended……

Make me laugh, write me some jokes.

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