so far so good


The last two years of my life have been about me crawling in a counterclockwise circle, making several adjustments to the placements of my feet.  Sometimes I’d take a moment to sit down because my back would hurt or that my arms didn’t have enough strength to hold the rest of my body up.  And sometimes I’d think about whether or not I should turn around and crawl clockwise.

But I never took a resting moment to think about standing up.

I remember when I was younger, about six years ago, when each step I took was innately one after the other.  I walked fast and my left foot knew immediately to surpass the right whenever it hit the floor and vice versa. Sometimes I’d run and sometimes I’d trip, but I’d never stay crawling, especially in a circle.  And if I took a few breaths, I’d be standing within a matter of seconds.

I’m relearning how to run again, visualizing what it was about myself that I had, and recognizing what I’ve lost.

I’m relearning how to be creative again, creativity spawned purely from myself and not from substance abuse.

Everyone has a struggle and no one really can help you stand up except yourself.  You can crawl or you can choose to fuck the hiatus in the ass.  It’s those who choose to get up and start running again who find the extra excerpt in their self written novel.

Let’s write some more stories and share them with each other.  I’ll crawl with you if you’re willing to stand up soon.

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9 Comments

  1. never thought u were like this.. you looked so happy when u were in holland, gave me a workshop.. and you smiled while talking to me!

  2. daym lawrence, deep.

    haha kidding. i love it. miss you and hope you’re well.

    bay trip soon?!!

  3. ill walk backwards if u can crawl then roll

  4. I feel this on too many levels lawry, my life from the end of Germainder til now, starting to put the feet in front of each other now.

  5. touching
    and very inspiring
    i thought you always saw yourself as successful and finally learned to run

  6. You’re brilliant kaonterpart! You’re much more insightful than you let people think you are. tricky tricky! ❤ you!

  7. Dayyum man, really deep. I never really thought people really expressed these thoughts anymore. But you probably don’t even know me, or many of us people. But just know that we’re all with you, and whether its dance or acting, or whatever passion you pursue in the future, we’re all there… in spirit. I hope to get to know you sometime. You guys were the ones to inspire me into dance in the first place.

  8. Damn Law. I could never piece those sentiments into thoughts or make someone feel that kind of emotion through any form of expression. You are extremely gifted and I’m proud to call you a friend.

  9. word man. we’re all in this together


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  • "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson